I Remember

I Remember

I remember the day you were diagnosed.
I remember how sick you looked, how much weight you had lost, how you had dark circles under your eyes, how sad you were.

I remember the finger pokes you so despised, how you'd throw your poker on the floor with such anger and how you'd refuse to test your blood sugar.

I remember the screaming - blood curdling screams that filled the house -
I'd cover my ears and close my eyes as dad held you down and mom did your shot.

I remember the bright blue and purple bruises the shots would sometimes leave on your body.

I remember you buying two Almond Joys® at the gas station and scarfing them down before we got home, and how you'd tell me not to tell mom or you'd kill me and I'd be in so much trouble. And I never told because you were my "Big Sister."

I remember how you hid your diabetes from your friends.
I remember how you'd cry at night wishing it would go away.

And then later...

I remember the morning you woke up and you couldn't see.
Your eyes had bled from complications.
I remember every one of the 24 laser surgeries you had to stop the bleeding.
I remember thinking "Could it get any worse?"

And I remember how we cried.

And then I remember Camp Needlepoint.
I remember the pictures of you with your new friends, campfires, horses, canoeing and so much more.
I remember you teaching me you could have an Almond Joys® as long as you took insulin for it.

I remember how Camp made you feel strong, feel normal and feel confident.

I remember that first year you went and you came back a different kid - a happier kid.
I remember you could poke your finger and you didn't seem so mad.
I remember you showing mom and dad how now you could do your own shot.
I remember how you now told anyone and everyone that you had diabetes.

I remember how you couldn't wait to be a Camp counselor one day.

And then later...

I remember when I went to college - I was going to be a nurse.
I remember when I became a nurse - I was going to go into diabetes.
I remember how I went to work at Camp because I wanted to make a difference for kids living with diabetes.
I remember how I got to help make those kids feel proud, feel normal, feel confident.

And then later...

I remember as my heart seemed to stop when the doctor told me I too, had diabetes.
I remember how despite the sadness in your eyes you said, "You'll be OK.  We'll be OK."

And I remember how we cried.

And then I remember Camp Needlepoint...
Where those of us who live with diabetes -
For at least a little while we get to be proud, we get to be normal, and most of all...

We get to forget.

Andrea Martin Mischke
ADA Camp Needlepoint Nurse and The Camp Director's "Little Sister"

Andrea Martin Mischke, of Maple Grove, Minn., is a registered nurse and Certified Diabetes Educator at the Endocrinology Clinic of Minneapolis. She volunteers as a nurse at the American Diabetes Association's CampNeedlepoint. Her sister, Becky Martin Barnett, of St. Louis Park, Minn., works for the American Diabetes Association managing the Association's Diabetes Camp program in Minnesota.